I was one step closer this week to my ultimate sci-fi cyber future wedding; Aliens, lasers, 1980’s Tin-foil garments and of course a robotic minister. My elation however turned quickly to despair, as a Japanese couple beat me to my dream. Ok, so they didn’t have any aliens, or lasers, or 1980’s tin foil garments but they bloody did have a robot that conducted the wedding. Everyone knows that’s the best bit of an ultimate sci-fi cyber future wedding.
On May 16th 2010 Tomohiro Shibata (42) married Satoko Inoue (36) on a restaurant roof top, in Hibiya Park , Central Tokyo . The marriage was conducted by an I-fairy, a small dwarf-like robot. The I-fairy is quite similar to the futuristic robots of I-robot in appearance, with a curvaceous black and white design. Thankfully the fresh prince is nowhere to be seen.
The I-fairy is said to sell for about 6.3 million yen or £46,000 and there is two more in the US and in Singapore
As I read further and watched the coverage of the wedding, a nagging feeling started gnawing at my gut, but I couldn’t understand why. Was it the preposterous wreath of flowers that was placed on the robots head? No. (Although why anyone thought that was a good thing to double the minister of the wedding with a plant pot is beyond me).Then it hit me, robots with ecclesiastical power. If robots are able to marry people what next?
All this time we have been worrying about robots becoming intelligent and then taking over in a ‘Terminator’/’matrix’ style armageddon. When the real robotic threat to human kind began growing in the shadow of our ignorance. It is of course Christian fundamentalist robots.
Think about it; preachers on the street who only need a small break to replace a battery, a built in radar to find and harass anyone trying to subtly avoid them and of course a laser to destroy the heathens that mock them. Robotic ministers will have extra levy with children due to their coolness factor, how can teachers/parents compete with something that can shoot fireworks from their fingers and beam knowledge through the little tykes’ retinas? Little boys will be cuing up to lose their anal virginity to the Mega Pope, model 10. A whole generation will grow up believing in creationism, ignoring evolution and dinosaurs. Worse still, chips will be shot through our head so throughout the day we will hear empowered speeches about the evil libertarians and their progress, with the voice of Cliff Richard melodiously in the background. Robots could be the end to science for ever.
Revolt! Revolt!
Smash your toaster with A.I intelligence; destroy your cooker with its intelligence chip and that bread maker with more buttons than you actually need.
Don’t touch those extra Christian buttons.
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